Well, there goes the last session of storytelling and i believed everyone had fun despite the unnerving experience of telling a story ourselves infront of the class. Thankfully, there were only 7 of us in class and not much more. I think any more would seriously had freaked me out. Drinks and snacks later with friends who were interesting company. So was the car ride sending various parties home later. I believed it has been a rather "energizing" weekend on the whole. Perhaps that was why my brain went into overdrive last night.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Arabian Nights
Met up with a couple of friends at Samar, the new arabic cafe we saw the other day down at Arab street after i picked up my mom and bro from the airport last night. It was an impromptu gathering of sorts since we don't really know what this place is really about but was just intrigued by their facade and the fact that the owner told us that there would be some dance performance when we passed by. The fact is, Samar is a refreshing drinking place that serve authentic arabic food and drinks, as well as shisha. It was comfortable, has good ambience and friendly staff who would take the time to answer our thousand and one questions about the beverages. Samar is one of the old shop house that has two storeys. There were carpets on the floor and lovely tin-wrought lamp shades all around. The second storey is a loft that was filled with carpet, low wooden tables and bright cushions all around. While we talked and drank the lovely drinks (should have remembered how to spell the names), tasted the unique desserts and puff on our water-pipe (shisha), lovely middle eastern music played.
After an hour of drinks, we were sort of puzzled about when the "dance performance" would be but when we asked, it turned out that there was a private party on the loft that night and the "dancing" was upstairs. We were slightly disappointed but nonetheless, quite pleased with the evening even if it was just drinks and company. However, the owner and her brother was terribly kind when they found out that we were expecting some "dancing" to take place and arranged for us to join the "party" upstairs. The only condition was that only GIRLS were allowed, hence the two other guys in the group had to be excluded unfortunately. In any case, it turned out that our evening has just started and there was a hen party full of muslim ladies on the loft. The owner had organized the party and seeked the bride-to-be's permission for us to join the party and they had kindly cleared a table for us and shifted our shisha and drinks upstairs. The ladies were welcoming and kind, and what followed was an evening of exotic dancing, fun and greater insights into a culture quite foreign to me. Despite what we usually see of muslim ladies outside in their tudungs and robes, they were surprising a fun and energetic bunch. Most had their shawls off and they were chit-chatty and sporting. They had dressed up the bride-to-be in a belly dancing costume and coming up with all sort of wild suggestions for her to do, such as entertaining everyone else with belly dancing. Even the most matronly lady was cracking raunchy jokes despite no alcohol was served (it being a muslim establishment), but that did not stop anyone from laughing and having tons of fun. One of the waitress turned out to be a terrific dancer and entertained us with her lovely arabic dancing (not too sure if it was belly dancing since no belly were involved, just very flexible hips). Then the ladies were invited to join in and learn, even we were invited. With shawls (bells attached) tied around the hips, the ladies were gyrating gamely along with the dance teacher as she demonstrated different movements while the rest of us watching clapped and wolf-whistled along.
It was certainly not an experience you can buy and we were very lucky that the ladies were gracious enough to let us join them. I must say that it was a refreshing and exciting experience sitting amidst a muslim hen party, watching exotic middle eastern dancing, drinking tea and smoking shisha pipes. Even without crashing the hen party, the evening would have been wonderful as we tried the different drinks and food but this was the crown of the night and one not easily forgotten. After the party, several of us stayed till 1 drinking another round of drinks and had some arabian bread with hummus. In fact this cafe is opened from 5pm all the way till 6am in the morning, and by the time we left, there were still many people, though mostly looked like arabs. In any case, this is certainly a nice place to chill out, experience something different from the usual watering holes and clubs, as well as drinking/eating at a reasonable price. Drinks are around $5 (a rather big glass) and food were quite unique and inexpensive as well. A good place to destress or even sober up after a night of clubbing since it opened till 6.
So, anyone want to go with me?
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Spent Deepavali painting my landscape. Not very pleased with it. Established that i have absolutely no talent and perhaps am too old to start applying hard work to make myself even passable. Sombering experience but he said that i'm too harsh on myself and have too high an expectation perhaps as he don't really think that my effort is half bad. I think i need a more objective view so let's see what the teacher says on tuesday.
Walked around chinatown after dinner with angie after saying goodbye to him. We walked around a nearly deserted Central square and went to the open field opposite maxwell market to look at the wayang and had waffle ice-cream before proceeding to blue cow for drinks at club street. Spent the whole night sms-ing other gals about tonight's drink/dance thing at arab street and chatting with angie about anything under the sun. Very relaxing.
Hmm... not a bad week. Met up with 3 interesting ladies and had a good dinner at arab street. Perhaps i should have more instances where i meet up with new people. You get to talk and find out new things. A different synergy (gasp) from your usual comfort zone i guess. In any case, enjoyed the middle eastern dinner and brought another friend and him there last night. We even tried the shisha (sp?) - waterpipe thing. I wonder vaguely if its tobacco and addictive like ciggies. Oh well. On the way back, chanced upon a drinking place around the corner called Samar which looked interesting. We were sort of gawking outside when the owner invited us in, but being in a rush we declined. The owner said that it has only been opened for 4 days and today they would be having some dance performance. So gathering a few friends to go check it out tonight around 8.30. Anyone interested, call me? :)
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Alright alright. I succumbed and am now logged on to Friendster. Gosh. No will power. *Chuckles*
Monday, October 20, 2003
Some days i looked at the people around me and wonder what are they feeling? At times i feel like an emotional crippled and other days i feel way too much for way too many things. I am an impractical being living a practical life right now. I have little pockets of mental oasis where i did not have to attend to the menial thoughts of my life. Like when i lie in bed with a trashy romance novel. Like when i go for oil painting lessons. Like when i stand by the dresser rubbing ruski's tummy. Mostly alone. With a cat. Perhaps that's how my life should be. Forget about work. Forget about relationships. Forget about responsibilities. Just my cat and me and a couple of books. Living each moment as if its an eternity. Somedays, it is an eternity. Felt like both purgatory and hell, yet strangely calm either way. Never heaven. Hardly blissful. Just silent and calm. Almost like a sense of suspension.
Its hard to articulate this. What i do know is that there are times when i am indifferent and upon looking back, that disturbed me. Being indifferent. Sometimes i just want to get the energy up to feel fury and anger. Or to be depressed. Or outrageously happy. I fear being indifferent. I only hope those periods doesn't last long. I don't want to feel drained. I also don't want to feel as if i am missing something in life. These things crisscrosses my mind here and there. Somedays, i just retreat into it and feel buried. Other days i would be indifferent to such thoughts and breeze right through them. Mostly, i am living my practical life, impractically.
Something oughta give. Someday.
Bought new diet food for ruski to help control his weight. Don't think he likes it very much as he hardly touches it much but kept meowing at the cabinet, hoping to get something else. Not that he has much choice, since its either the diet food or starve. Perhaps that's how the diet food works. By making it taste really awful so that the cat doesn't want to eat it and hence loses weight. If only they can do that for all the kind of food i like to eat... like char kuey tiao, cai tao kuey, laksa, dumpling, chicken rice.. etc etc etc. Oh well. Guess i'll just have to control my own appetite then. :)
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Watched Dirty Pretty Things on thursday then 28 days later on friday. Both terrific shows. The former had a good storyline and excellent acting. The latter had me squirming in my seat in terror and had us (me, him and my friend) all holding hands and screaming. The movie was quite dark and felt very real, so it did not have the "corny-ness" of a B-grade zombie movie. Almost apocalyptic in a way. Too bad we left before the credits finished and missed the alternative ending. I wish i know what happened. So if anyone can enlighten me, please let me know what happened.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Had to work with one of the particularly difficult child today as the teacher was sick. He was quite a handful for the substitute teacher and me. And here i was all dressed up to go to an evening piano concert no less. Needless to say, something had to give, and it ain't the child. So there goes my rarely worn baby-jane shoes. Sigh. I think i ought to put some slippers at the work place and if i need to go out, a change of clothing in the car. So far i have been quite lucky but on days when you have to wrestle with the children, you would wish you don't have to do it in skirts and baby-janes. Ah well, at least all of us survived another day at work. *grins*
Emode's Original Inkblot Test
alice, your subconscious mind is driven most by Love
Your instinct to love and be loved is rooted very deeply in your subconscious and affects most of the decisions you make in life � whether you are aware of it or not.
You inspire people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. You also value your personal relationships more than most people.
Your unique capacity to love may be greater than those around you, which means you may have more to give in relationships than your friends or romantic partners do.
Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
Looks like my heart is recovering quite well... So well that to a certain extent it gets a little worrying for some...
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, October 13, 2003
Had a heart-to-heart talk over lunch (jap again, it almost always happens to be jap) and i think both of us came out pretty well. A little sad but not angry. Perhaps understanding a little bit more of each other and yet, knowing full well that perhaps there would always something we would not understand. Its a bitter-sweet sort of feeling and it has nothing to do with love or committment. But it felt good to talk and express something that has begun to show outwardly in our actions and demeanour. Better to give it some form now than wait for it to take shape on its own later and devour us without preparation.
Still, we are moving on slowly. Just that sometimes no finishing line is in sight and where the road leads remained unclear.
Friday, October 10, 2003
Time of the year again at work.
Case conferences looming and fingers are rapidly compiling children's reports. I have come to a point where i can almost do them with my eyes closed (well, almost). Perhaps this is what they called "experience".
Colleague of mine is getting married next June and leaving in March. That means added responsibilities for me and the other girl till we have someone new. It sounds daunting initially but i think we will managed. It is a good team we have here. Happy for her who is getting married. Been sort of expecting it for a while now.
Somedays, work does reach a certain sense of monotony as you get more familiar with the work. Students come and go and sometimes, i get so caught up that one child's face merges with another. I think i need a little break. Just to get in synch again. Job satisfaction is still there yet, something is nudging me to try new things. It is kind of a small nudge at the moment but its there. I am not paying too much attention to it though. If it gets big enough, then i will deal with it.
Nowadays i just try to learn other things (outside work) to fulfil a need to be more than myself and work. Oil painting, story telling, dancing, yoga... I am still exploring other things that can bring me joy and relaxation. I realized that at the mature age of 27, i am still exploring myself, finding out about me and trying to figure out what makes me tick. Sometimes it is interesting, what i find out. Other times i am left shell shock and disappointed. I am still undecided how to feel about myself though and continues to search for some sort of consistency in oneself.
Well... pardon my self-indulgence.
I have always been sort of egocentric haven't i? :)
Some days i think i am not very good with relationships.
Any relationships really.
Boy-girl.
Man-woman.
Friends.
Family.
Siblings.
Perhaps i cannot emphathize enough. Or perhaps i emphathize too much.
Or the fact that i don't listen very well.
That i don't talk very well either.
Sometimes it is difficult to tell exactly where i stand in relationships.
What am i suppose to do at this exact moment.
What exactly does the other party want from me?
Should i do this? Should i say that?
Do you know what i meant to say? What i meant to do?
Do i confuse you?
Its strange... being in relationships with another conscious being.
So many factors come into play.
Personalities.
Egos.
Beliefs.
Age.
Gender.
Common grounds. Or perhaps uncommon ones too.
The intricacy of relationships both confounds and intrigues me.
I would like to be a good person to be in a relationship with.
Does that make sense?
Do i make you happy?
Any of you that come, came, are coming into my life..
Thursday, October 9, 2003
Oh. Incidentally, i have been to a nice wedding dinner, watch sinbad with friends and attended 3 oil painting lessons in the past month. Nothing much to talk about except that it took us 3 lessons before we even begin painting on the 4th. Am a little miffed about that. Teacher is very "china-centric" and quite biased. Sometimes i have to freeze my face just so i don't make funny faces at comments he makes (e.g. everything in china good, western world bad). But i must say that he has good oil painting skills, which is why i am there in the first place.
Ruski's Damage Assessment:
1) Mild fever
2) All his nails were terribly chipped and splintered, and one of his "thumb" nail was totally torn out that even the pad was gone. So all that's left is this nub and pink flesh. *ouch*
3) Emotional trauma. Still in a state of shock, he doesn't eat much and was in terrible need for attention and tender loving care. So much so that when i let him sleep with me for the night, he did not leave the bed at all and was constantly waking me up with tiny meows and nudging me to cuddle him by barrowing under my arm.
Think he must have been totally stressed out in the last couple of days. Sigh.
Wednesday, October 8, 2003
Thanks to everyone that helped these last few days...
you.. for walking with me all over the estate even on your birthday to look for him, doing up the lost cat poster and constantly reassuring me that he will be okie.
angela.. for putting up all the notices around internet websites, emailing catwelfare society, SPCA and AVA and offering to help me search for him during the weekend.
all my friends.. for caring and constantly comforting me while he was gone.
and finally my neighbours Mrs and Miss Bergman, for finding him.
Thank you people! *beams*
CAT FOUND
After a harrowing 3 days, Ruski was finally found early this morning! Woken up this morning at 7 by a phone call from my neighbour living in the lane behind my house saying that she saw a cat fitting Ruski description outside her house. I immediately dashed out (without even brushing my teeth) and found this Caucasian lady and her daughter keeping watch at my cat who was crouching at the ledge across the drain. Initially i couldn't really see him from afar because it was rather dark and was going to rain. He looked really scared and didn't want to move when i called out to him. When i attempted to reach across the drain for him, he got a fright and run into the bushes along the drain. In the end i had to step into the drain to be closer to him and my neighbours tried to block off the corners. He must have felt threatened when the lady tried talking to him and he started hissing at us. It was only when i stretched out my hand slowly to him into the bushes, he stopped hissing for a while and licked my hand. However, he wouldn't budge and when i attempted to grab him from his neck to pull him out, he struggled and yelped. It took a while to untangle him from under the bushes and get him out but by then he was so traumatized, he was making a hell of a noise and i tripped in the drain, and he immediately ran into my neighbour's house.
Luckily he did not go very far and just crouched near the gate. To avoid scaring him again, i had to approach him very slowly. I talked to him for a bit to calm him down because though he did not hiss or make noise, he continued to crouch and looked ready to bolt. It's only after 1 or 2 minutes that he flopped over the way he usually would at home when i talked to him and become more relaxed that i was able to pick him up and carried him home. He was shivering as i carried him and was meowing a lot as we walked pass the main road as he was scared of the noises and rain (started to drizzle by then). He only stopped once i stepped into my house and he must have recognized the staircase to my room as he began purring once i walked up towards it.
It must have been tough on the little rascal while he was outside as he started meowing for food the minute he went into the room and walked around the toilet cupboard where the food is. And the way he eats! He was so hungry and impatient that half the bowl of food landed on the floor than into his mouth. Its only after a while that he calmed down and groom himself at a corner as i got dressed to go to work. While he did not answer me when outside, he did so now when i called his name. But i could see that he is still in shock as he usually like to cuddle and will respond fairly quickly when i asked him to come. Now he was just contented to lay in the corner. However, he enjoyed me patting him and was purring and purring. Finally when i stepped out of my room to go to work, he started yelping again, which i think its because he is probably still insecure or scared. It took a while to calm down again and was eating from his bowl when i sneaked out to go work.
I think he must have been hiding in my neighbour's house for the last few nights as my neighbour kept 4 cats and had left some food around for her cats. Her daughter was very nice and when knew that i lost my cat, has been trying to look out for Ruski in her backyard just in case he came by. Luckily for me that these neighbours are such cat lovers and helped me looked out for him or else i don't think i would ever get Ruski back again. This time round i am going to lock Ruski in for sure and get him a tag for his collar. I don't think i can take it if it happens again. Couldn't sleep well for the past few days because i was so worried. Now i can at last breathe a sigh of relief.
Tuesday, October 7, 2003
The cat has been gone for 3 days now and life has not been quite the same. I don't know how many times when i walked up the stairs to my room, expecting to hear him meow from behind door greeting me, only to find the door ajar and room quiet. I have forgotten how lonely cat-less nights are.
No funny "midnight madness" where he would just dash from one corner to another like the devil's on his tail suddenly. No furry bundle of claws and teeth nesting up my neck. No beseeching looks outside the toilet cupboard. No heavy, hot weight lying on my lap as i sit at the computer. No one to play esso tiger with. No shredded fur dusting my bed covers, dresser, toilet sink. No hide and seek in my worerobe. No chasing him round the room when he misbehaves. No waking up to "alarm" calls from the toilet. No contented little sighs as he curled up on the pillow next to me. No pouncing on insects such as bugs and tiny cockroaches. No hiding under the duvet whenever i tuck myself in. No stretching on the floor. No scratching on my drawer. No biting. No nibbles.
No longer having to think about putting the toilet seat cover down. (He dropped in once you see...). No longer having to keep the shower stall doors closed (it may get his paws wet and wet paws plus litter box equal messy floors). No longer having to keep the tap dripping when i'm brushing my teeth (since he hate drinking from the bowl, probably because water becomes stale). No longer having to tie up my curtains (or else he would play with it and leave behind holes). No longer having to put my clips, rubber bands and rings into their boxes (since he tends to play and bite them, inevitably they will end up under my bed).
So many things i don't have to do now. Yet i still do. Habits i have cultivated since the cat came into my life. Rules i made other people follow when they stepped into my room. At times, it is unnerving to be in my room alone and suddenly thought i heard his bell ringing, like the way it would as he jumped from the sink to the ground. I would look out the window, peering into the darkness hoping to see some cat wandering outside on the road.
I have been cycling around my estate the last 2 days after midnight, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Perhaps he is under some drain or car and would come out at night to look for food. I met many cats but none with a green collar and a silver bell. None with a sagging tummy and fluffy fur on the belly. None obese and fat that will need a diet.
Giving out flyers to my neighbours. Defacing public properties by putting up illegal lost posters at bus stops. Hounding AVA and SPCA. Putting up notice on internet websites. Being suspicious of my neighbours. Hypersensitive to every cat cries in the neighbourhood.
I don't deal very well with loss i think.
Monday, October 6, 2003
October 5th.
Happy 27th birthday to you.
I'm sorry that your birthday was spent helping me to look for Ruski.
I was supposed to cook you dinner but you bought me chicken rice instead when you found out Ruski got lost and i would be too dejected to eat.
You walked with me shouting his name and told me not to worry and that someone must have taken care of him because you know i would be worried if he was caught in the rain and hungry.
Thank you.
Sorry for making a muck of your birthday.
October 4th.
Ruski took a leap of faith and landed in my neighbour's house and run out while they tried to catch him. And he has been missing ever since. No effort was spare trying to locate him but still, no clue to where he may be. I am worried sick and please, if anyone see a brown stripped tabby cat around East coast road area, leave a note or email or call me.
Lost... Please Find Me
Cat-less Days
Cat-less days are spent...
not waiting for a ritual greeting at the door when i returned home
not looking forward for a furry bundle to lay on my chest when i lie down
not listening to his "complains" when i clip his nails or give him a bath
not scolding him fat when he looks at the toilet cupboard waiting for more food
not playing fetch with his favourite esso tiger
not threatening him with a loud "hmm" whenever he sharpened his claws on my couch
not patting his head and avoiding his tummy as he lay on my dressing table
not shutting him in the toilet for the night and letting him out in the morning
not surprising him as he slept in the toilet sink during the hot sunday afternoons
not doing anything much but waiting for him to come home...
but spent...
walking around looking at every drains and alley calling out his name
scouring around the estate knocking on every neighbours' door
visiting and revisiting every alleys and drains just to make sure
cycling hours at night peering under cars and trunks and garbage cans
printing "lost" posters and delivering them to different mailboxes
just looking through the internet and checking for phone messages
just wondering who could be taking care of him now
just waiting at the door
just waiting for him to come home.
And you better come home soon, you stupid cat.
I miss you.
